Tuesday, July 14, 2009


From: Craigslist
Posted: July 13, 2009, 7:29PM PDT
Location: San Diego, California
Section: Men seeking women.

Married male,6ft, 215lb muscular build, black hair salt & pepper look, hazel eyes. I'm financially secure, very clean and well groomed. Looking for a petite to average built female that would like to spice her life up a little. Somebody thats not being treated the way she wants to at home. Prefer married females, but a single female who likes NSA would be ok. I'm up for romantic dinners out on the town, movies, drinks at a pub or coffee shop or even a walk on the beach. I want somebody who wants discretion, I am not trying to destroy anybody's relationship including my own. If we make a connection, maybe it can progress to the bedroom, no pressure for you. I like a female, who likes getting attention from a male who likes to give it. I'll send pictures, when you send way to contact. You won't be disappointed with who your trying to get involved with. I want a real honest, ongoing relationship with one female that I can be exclusive with. "

Pet peeve of mine: Asking for someone already married so that you can fuck up two marriages at the same time.

He said: Discretion!! (Big surprise, right?)
But: "Romantic dinners out on the town, movies, drinks at a pub or coffee shop..." If he's so fucking "financially secure" wouldn't SOMEBODY recognize him?

He said: I'm not trying to destroy anybody's relationship.
But: He's asking to have an affair - AND preferably with SOMEONE WHO'S ALREADY FUCKING MARRIED!

He said: I want a real honest, ongoing relationship with one female I can be exclusive with.

Irony: He used the word "honest." Adultery = dishonesty. HELLO, DICKWAD!!!

Monday, July 13, 2009

Needy Needy Greedy

From: Craigslist.
Posted: July 13, 2009, 9:35AM EDT
Location: Northern Virginia.
Section: Women seeking men.

BBW Needs.......... - 40
Non-smoker, non, drug user

Over 35
Non-smoker, non-drug user

Please do not send nude pictures. Only thoughtful, intelligent responses will get a reply."
Only thoughtful, intelligent responses? All right...
She said: I'm married.
But: She's requiring her lover to be single.

She said: Be intelligent.
But: She misused a comma. She obviously needs someone intelligent.

She said: Be thoughtful.
But: She didn't think of her spouse when she posted this.
Time for me to stop being so thoughtful...

I hope you get showered with dick pics.

Purr, My Ass

From: Craigslist
Posted: July 10, 2009, 6:56PM EDT
Location: Olney, Pennsylvania
Section: Women seeking women.

Purr.......Meow.....The real deal! - 28
"Hello Ladies, I’m an attractive down to earth fun, sexy, loving AAF. I’m married, but quite frankly bored out of my mine and unsatisfied! I’m very clean; keep my hair, nails, and feet done, very fashionable. When I’m out I get stares from both men and women! I’m educated, physically fit, with a very good career. I’m 5’ 135lbs with 34DD breasts. I have my own home, and drive. I love seafood, laughing and down to earth people. I’m looking to meet someone tomorrow. I need someone to lift my spirits and treat me like the wonderful woman that I am. If you know you can not meet me ASAP then please don’t reply to this post. I’m looking for NSA fun only. We don’t have to hook up the first time we meet, but anything is possible. You must be attractive, clean very feminine as I am my self. We must keep this very discreet. I have more photos available. Please be able to hold a decent conversation. No hood rats please…… NO MEN, NO BUTCHES…..and NO THREESOMES…… with your man! I will NOT respond to anyone who does not send a pic.... I will not go to any website to see your photos. Must be willing to voice vertify ASAP
I'm just gonna go straight into it.

She says: I'm bored out of my 'mine' and unsatisfied.
But: What about vibrators? Or porn? Or your fingers? Heck, have a donut. There are plenty of ways to kill boredom and to satisfying yourself without cheating.

She says: I have a good career.
But: She won't have it for long if this gets out.

She says: Very discreet.
But: In the ad, she posted a photo of her ass.

She says: NSA.
But: There. Are. ALWAYS. Strings. Attatched. When. You. Are. MARRIED. HELLO YOU STUPID BITCH!
Seriously...why do people continue to think that adultery is acceptable. It doesn't matter whether you're a man or a woman, young or old, gay or straight. Cheating is going to FUCK UP YOUR MARRIAGE. If you aren't happy, then get out. But don't cheat!

Saturday, June 27, 2009

Looking to get down to 'business'

From: Craigslist
Posted: June 27, 2009, 7:36AM CDT
Location: Downtown - Millenium Park, Chicago, Illinois
Section: Men seeking men.

Morning BJ. NSA from Bi Handsome Biz travellee. - 34
"Handsome Married Guy. In town on business. Looking for other VGL str8/ bi guys to service this morning. Looking for now. Please be clean. I can host. five eight. one sixty five. seven uc. worked out muscular bod. mod. hairy. middle eastern background."
I'll tell you what, the Chicago section on Craigslist has the highest number of men looking for men when they're in town on business. It's unreal.
He says: Looking for straight/bi guys.
But: Aren't straight guys looking for pussies and not dicks?

He says: Muscular bod.
But: He has a BMI of 25.1, if his measurements are accurate. That means that he's overweight.

He says: NSA.
But: He's MARRIED. Marriage always means that there's QUITE A FEW STRINGS.
Well, this is the ad I had to use Urban Dictionary to decipher. I had no clue what VGL or seven uc meant. To clarify for other people like me...
VGL = Very Good Looking.
Seven uc = Seven inches, uncircumcised.
Um, EW.
Even the gay guys I know say that circumcised is prefered. UC just looks like a reeeeallly ugly worm. Not that a dick is attractive anyway, but the uc factor makes it ten times worse.

ANYWAY, what I find worse about this ad is that he's looking for STRAIGHT MEN to give him a blowjob. Maybe you need to look up the UD definition of straight:
"not gay"

I rest my case, you fuckrat.
P.S. The picture came up when I googled 'shady business.' I couldn't resist putting it.

Mr. Lonely...

From: Craigslist (do I even need to say it anymore?)
Posted: June 25, 2009, 7:40PM PDT
Location: Gresham, Oregon.
Section: Men seeking women.

Lonely and Married - 49
"Looking to find someone like me,married and lonely and needing more from life. 35 to 50, as i'm 49. "
Well, at least he's not claiming to be 'happily married' like some of the dicks out there.

He said: I need more from life.
But: Has this guy heard of hobbies? Or going out with friends.

He said: Married and lonely.
But: He hasn't talked to his spouse, I'm sure. Hello, communication??? And again, do you have no friends to go out partying with?????

He said: Looking to find someone like me.
But: Sooo...you're looking to bring down another marriage with your own. You are a fucking selfish prick.
Communication. It's the one thing that can save or end a relationship. If you are feeling lonely or neglected in your marriage, then TALK to your spouse instead of FINDING SOMEONE ELSE TO DICK AROUND WITH. You're REALLY going to be lonely if you have an affair and then YOUR MARRIAGE ENDS. Stop fucking around, grow some balls, and be a real man!

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Panty Thief

From: Craigslist
Posted: June 24, 2009, 12:07 PM EDT
Location: North Reading, Massachusetts
Section: Men seeking men

Our Wives Panties, Our Cum....Now - 48
"Seeking an OLDER bi married male who would get into sniffing and wearing each others wives/family panties and getting off. Mutual stroking while playing with panties or pantyhose. I would love to watch you cum while sniffing my wifes pussy scent. Chatting about wives and other hot fantasies. Don't have to be sexy panties just everyday panties with strong aroma are fine. Small hairy cocks welcome. Would love for this to turn into a regular thing. Available to play and sniff now please be within 15 minutes of North Reading. MUST BE clean and disease free."
What. The. Fucking. SHIT.
He says: ...Wearing each others wives/family panties.
But: "Family" panties? Does that mean the KIDS' UNDERWEAR??? O_O

He says: Seeking older.
But: He's 48! And he wants someone older??

He says: ...while sniffing wife's pussy scent.
But: "small hairy cocks welcome." MAKE UP YOUR FUCKING MIND.
Seriously??? You want to cheat, with a man, AND you want the pair of you to steal your wives' and KIDS' underwear to WEAR!!! It doesn't matter if you don't end up having sex - IT'S STILL CHEATING YOU FUCKNUT.

And panties are NOT SEXY ON A MAN.

Messing Around in Texas

From: Craigslist
Posted: June 23, 2009, 9:52PM CDT
Location: Austin, Texas
Section: Women seeking Men

let me give you what you are not getting at home - 24
"What are you not getting at home... friendship, sex. laughter, seeing movies, kissing, cuddling... 4 play..... Im free daytime and im hot tan and young and busty... need help with bills and looking to give you what you are NOT getting at home... must have a discreet place to have fun.... and daytime only... prefer married or attatched and must be discreet. please send picture and detailed info about you and what exactly you are looking to offer... im not a bot or spam texas is playing and the score is 5 to one in the top of the 7th inning!"

Well, this is a new wrinkle. She ain't married...but she wants to be with someone who is? SERIOUSLY?
She says: Must be discreet.
But: "Hot tan and young and busty" followed by "need help with bills." Yeeeeah, that's discreet. Stupid bitch.

She says: Must have a discreet place to meet.
But: That means she's making the guy do all the work. She doesn't even care enough to host!

She says: Prefer married or attached.
But: WHAT THE SHIT. What's wrong with having someone who is SINGLE???
She says she's not a bot or spam. I think she is a robot; one programmed to destroy marriages in order to prove that the American family is full of shit. She's probably leftover from WWII.
Either way, someone needs to reprogram her. Seriously, give me five minutes in a room with this whore and she will never even consider asking someone to cheat. EVER AGAIN.

Meet the Minotauress

From: Craigslist
Posted: June 21, 2009, 8:44PM EDT
Location: West Georgia
Section: Women seeking women

not sure where to start - 25
"not sure where to start. im a happily married bi woman. ive been with one woman sexually a few times and been close with a couple of others. my husband knows im posting and is ok with it completely. he works alot and wants me to have a "friend"... i have 3 beautiful children. im looking for a long term friend with the possibility of it becoming sexual. i have no interest in being with another man so married women may not work out well. i dunno. i also want you to be sweet and attractive. no wild chics or party animals. i work in a public setting so im going to be very picky about who i show my face to. i must be sure your really a woman and who you say you are. here is a pic to give ya an idea about my body. im 5-2, wear size 0-2 in jeans and size 34D bra. please send a pic and tell me a little about you when replying. "
Not sure where to start, eh? Well, I can think of a few places.
She says: I'm looking for a long term friend.
But: You can have long term friend without becoming sexual with them.

She says: I'm 5'2" and wear a size 0-2 jeans.
But: She wears a 34D bra. What the shit...does anyone else think that this does not compute?

She says: I work in a public setting so I'll have to be selective about who I show my face to.
But: If she really cared about her public image then she WOULDN'T BE LOOKING TO BE WITH SOMEONE OUTSIDE OF HER MARRIAGE.

She says: I'm happily married.
Look, people. Even if your spouse says 'go for it,' DON'T FUCKING DO IT. Problems will spring up, and in fact your spouse may only be doing it so he/she can have a threesome! Don't look at me like that, it's been done before, especially if the shit on the 'do it do it' end has a dick.
Oh, and that toilet frightens me.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

Unloving Dad

From: Craigslist
Posted: June 23, 2009, 4:09AM MST
Location: Mesa, Arizona
Section: Men seeking women

hi - 36

"hi..i was wonderin' if there was someone who'd like to share a secret with me..i'm married with two beautiful babies..but on the downhill side of 12 year relationship..sooo..i'm loooking for somone to share some intimate moments with..No Strings Attached..if you're interested let me know. "


Yet again, a man wishes to put his dick somewhere that it doesn't belong. In a pussy that isn't his wife's. Yes, an unmarried man can have sex with someone he's not married to, but that's not the point.


He said: I have two beautiful babies.
But: If he really cared about them, he wouldn't be dicking around and causing them undo stress when they get older.

He said: I'm on the downside of a 12 year relationship.
But: When he says something like this, 9 times out of 10 he really just is tired of having sex with his wife and is looking for someone to use.

He said: Intimate moments...no strings attached.


Seriously....secrets and no strings and body parts in the wrong places. They make a terrible recipe for relationships. People who want those things ARE JUST DICKING AROUND AND WANT TO USE YOU. They don't care about the people they are going to hurt by their actions. They just care about THEIR OWN SELFISH DESIRES.

Discreet does NOT equal meet & cheat

From: Craigslist
Posted: June 23, 2009, 3:02PM EDT
Location: Homestead, Florida
Section: Men seeking men

Jo/bj buddy - m4m - 51
"looking for a jo/bj buddy, first meeting will need to be in a neutral place, I am married so discretion is really important."
As shown here and now, no sexuality is safe from adultery.
He says: Looking for jo. (Jack off)
But: He can jack himself off in the privacy of his own bathroom.

He says: Discretion is really important.
But: How can you be discreet? You're 51 and you're meeting someone from a public personals ad in order to cheat on your wife. REALLY FUCKING DISCREET, YOU TWATWAFFLE.
Look, it doesn't matter to me what your sexuality is. I'm lesbian, and I have friends who are gay, straight, bi, trans, and asexual. And no matter what, IT DOES NOT MAKE CHEATING ON YOUR SPOUSE ACCEPTABLE. If you are unhappy, get out of the fucking marriage and find someone who you actually WANT to have sex with.

Not ONLY is he married...

From: Craigslist
Posted: June 23, 2009, 1:47PM EDT
Location: Northern Virginia
Section: Men seeking women

Married man ISO Married woman to fool around with - 49
"Married BM looking for married woman who wants to engaged in NSA sex on the side. Must be discreet. Any race, size, age are acceptable. Contact me for more details. Picture would be appreciated. "
So...not only is this dick married, he's trying to convince someone else who is married to cheat!

He says: Picture would be appreciated.
But: He didn't post one himself.

He says: Must be discreet.
But: ...You're sure setting an example by posting on a PUBLIC PERSONALS AD SITE.

He says: NSA (No strings attached, for those without an urban dictionary)
In summation, this guy's an idiot.

Cuddling...and making out??

From: Craigslist
Posted: June 19, 2009, 7:03PM EDT
Location: Wood, Pennsylvania
Section: Women seeking men

married woman love to cuddle - w4m - 19
"I am off for 2 day this weekend and will be bored out of my mind.. looking for a guy who like to cuddle, watch movies and does not mind that I am married.. Please send a pic with your reply.. Im into clean cut guys, smart. open to other things if there is chemistry, but as stated.. just looking for cuddling and companionship at this moment.. maybe even a bit of making out. I miss being touched. Please be with in my age range and single.. Im not about to cheat. or be your other woman... ( yes this means im allowed to.. are you)"
What the shit...
She says: I miss being touched.
But: Can she not touch herself?

She says: Please be single.
But: She's not single herself! This is disrespectful and just plain stupid.

She says: I'm just looking for cuddling...
But: She's also "open to other things" including "a bit of making out."

She says: I'm not about to cheat.
When you post an ad on a dating website while married, it's not necessarily cheating. However, when you want to meet someone for cuddling, making out or other things, it IS cheating. Grow some brains cells and buy a vibrator if you're so desperate! Sheesh.

You love your man, huh?

From: Craigslist
Posted: June 22, 2009, 6:56PM PDT
Location: Bremerton, Washington state
Section: Women seeking women
Married Bi Girl wants some spark - w4w - 31
"Okay ladies, here's the thing.... I am married to wonderful man whom I love dearly. But no matter how good my imagination is, I still think about women ALOT. What I don't want is: DRAMA, cooties of any kind, long email relationship. If you want to know, yes, he knows, NO he will never be involved... nor do I want to put on a show for your man!! This is Women 4 Women, remember!!

Here's what I'm picturing: let's meet for a drink somewhere, "bump" into each other and let me pick you up. Let's make out in the car like we're teenagers again! Remember that feeling?? I would love to be the more aggressive one, so let me ravish you, would ya??

Me: 31, 5'6", size 12 jeans and a Medium top. Very pretty, if I do say so myself. Green eyes, reddish hair, ,wear a 36C. Smart, funny, sarcastic; I'm the life of the party. I have plenty of friends, just no "close" friends, if you get my drift.

You: 24 - 38, size 6 - 16, Married is totally okay, but like I said, NO MEN involved, this includes watching! BiCurious okay, just show up! I also think piercings are VERY HOT!! No STD's (that includes herpes people), no illegal drugs, no jealous boyfriends/husbands. If you're butch, I couldn't say for sure I'm not interested, unless I see a picture. All women are beautiful and variety is the spice of life.

If this sounds like something you could be into, drop me a line with the pertinent info, age, location, and a RECENT PIC of you fully clothed and that shows your face!! I am not even going to get into bots and crazy guys who pretend to be chicks. Tell me a little about yourself and include the name of your favorite movie in there, so I know you really read this. I will respond with a pic of myself."
Look people, I know you can get bored when you're in a relationship.
But that's what porn is for.
This, however, is ridiculous.
Let's break it down now.
She says: I love him dearly.
But: She still wants to have an affair. If she really loved him, she wouldn't be posting an ad saying she was looking elsewhere!
She says: I'm smart.
But: She also says "Let's make out in the car like we're teenagers again." We all know how that ends up. She also can't use a comma properly to save her life.
She says: No drama.
But: Why do people who don't want drama PERSISTENLY MAKE SURE TO PUT IT IN ALL CAPS?
Seriously, I'm done being nice/trying to be funny. Cheating is not cool, and girl, you need a vicious slap of reality. I feel slightly sorry for your man, although if he's going along with it, then you're an idiot for not expecting him to try to get involved.